Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The power of my boobs compel you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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