so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
