It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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