I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
