I'm jealous of your bromance
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
