WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
