There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
