"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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