Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
