Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
