Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
