I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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