He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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