yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I smell stomach acid.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
