I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
