I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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