Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
