And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
