WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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