I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
