As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to get me chipped asap
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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