I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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