pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
