Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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