I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
