i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
