It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
