im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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