The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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