she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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