my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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