So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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