Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
