i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
