All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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