The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dude. I can hear the air.
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