we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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