Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
