I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
