I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
