woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
