you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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