I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
