My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
