the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
