Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
