BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had sex on a roof
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
