Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
