Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
