My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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